I Don't Raise My Glass to Suicide, I Raise My Glass to Understanding
by Katherine-Cullen34
Summary: I WONDER IF KILLING YOURS IS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL IN LIFE, AND THAT'S WHY IT IS A SIN. BECAUSE YOUR BEATING GOD AT HIS OWN GAME - Thoughts of Haymitch Abernathy (One Shot)


She stared out her window, looking at the old house across the street. Even though he's gone, she still cleans up the house and keeps it looking nice. She knows her friends think that its stupid, only two friends understand her pain. No one thought he'd be missed, not even herself. She never thought she'd miss him, never thought she want him. She took him for granted.

She let out a long and deep sigh. She knew she had to get dressed. She needed to visit him. It wasn't right to keep him in suspension. She slipped out of her cotton nightgown and slipped into her summer dress. A dress she knew he liked. A dress that she wore to their friends wedding. She swept her hair up into a messy bun. Then, spritzed herself with a perfume that he loved on her, Coco Mademoiselle.

Before slipping on her jean jacket she picked up his cologne and took a long sniff. She needed that smell. She craved that smell. She set the cologne bottle onto the dresser. She slipped his silver knife into her purse along with a red rose.

* * *

She walks slowly out of that house, her heels click on the cobblestone. She sees her friends, the baker and the hunter. She waves to them, there eyes are red and puffy from crying. The baker waves back, but the hunter hides her face in his chest.

She keeps her face brave and smiles, she always keeps a brave face and smiles. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. She wears a mask, no one can tell her emotions. He could lift her mask, he was the only one.

By now she had reached the rundown graveyard. She was in her own little world. Her own bubble. She didn't like reality, if she faced reality it would be real and he'd be gone. He wouldn't be coming back. Reality never sets in, except for three days of the year, his death, his birthday, and their anniversary.

She had reached the headstone where her...her, he wasn't hers to begin with. She couldn't call him hers. She traced the lettering and planted herself cross legged on the grass. She took out the rose, and the knife. She planted a small kiss onto the rose and placed it on the ground in front of the stone.

She stared at the knife and that at the stone. Three times a year this happened she debated on suicide. She knows he wouldn't want that for her. But she isn't happy. She needs him. She can't go on with her life, she's old anyway.

She took the knife in her hand and pressed it to her heart. She hoped the baker and the hunter won't miss her too much. This knife was the same knife that he used, he used to kill himself. She knows he wasn't happy and that was his escape. People say suicide is for cowards when there's no way out. You are not a coward when you've been through what he's been through. She will not be a coward, she's not giving up on life, she just wants to be happy.

She would die with a smile on her face. She put on her best smile laid on the stone, closed her eyes, and twisted the knife into her heart. She did it fast with, no pain. She looked peaceful, as if she were sleeping.

The hunter and the baker's daughter walked with her head down into the graveyard with a bunch full of flowers in her hand. The daughter didn't know him or her that well. She loved them though. They were part of her family, even if they weren't blood related. The daughter saw her with the knife plunged into her heart. The daughter didn't cry, but simply smiled. She walked to the women laying dead, took out the knife and placed it to the side. The knife was covered in dried blood, his, and fresh blood, hers. The daughter buttoned her coat up, now you could not see the blood. She kissed her head and placed the flowers on the stone. She got up and walked away. The women was now happy, she was with him.

_Here lies Haymitch Aberanthy_

_Brother, Boyfriend, Victor, Drunken Mentor, and Lover_

_2258-2310 _

* * *

**This was a little Haymitch/Effie if you didn't gather that. I know it was kind of confusing with the she did blah blah, but I didn't really want you to know that it was Effie even though it was kind of obvious.**


End file.
